Seriously!?!?

Seriously? This is even stupider than that other baby helmet...

http://www.babynobumps.com/

If this is your kid's picture, I'm awfully sorry. Honestly though--if you put this hot mess of a "helmet" on your kid they are going to have much more serious issues than if you dropped them on their head as a baby. Thank goodness they don't make this product big enough for my kid's huge cranium.

This kid is saying, "Watch out Mommy, I am going to run you over with this toy for putting this stupid thing on my head."

Wally World I'm breaking up with you!

Dear Walmart,

You won't see me for a long time. I prefer Target anyways, so there!! To the cashier at aisle 10, I'm sorry for being so rude-but you kinda deserved it.

**Disclaimer....please refrain from the comments about how I should be blessed to look so young yada yada yada. Compliments about looking young are great when you are older than I am and are wanting to look young. They are not great when you are a WOMAN and someone thinks you barely pass for a pre-teen. All this silly vanity age stuff just does not fit my personality and won't. When I get older, I am going to embrace those lines and wrinkles and think of them as memories of a great life. Wrinkles from all the times I was lucky enough to laugh my tush off. I will NOT be one of those women who only wants to look younger and younger. ANYHOW...

So-I go to Walmart yesterday. I had to pick some things up since my ankle feels like someone took a hammer to it. So, I am walking around Walmart realizing that I cannot remember the last time that I bought ANYTHING for myself. I just don't shop anymore. Times are tough-we have a baby to feed and two four legged friends that come before our needs. With that said, I bought ONE movie.

This movie happened to be rated "R." Restricted...oooooohhhhh

I get to the checkout and am looking for the "O" magazine with my girl Ellen on it. Normally "O" magazine would not be my thing, but we all know how much I freaking love Ellen. Um, it was no where to be seen. This upset me, but that is not what this blog is about.

So, I am checking out and the cashier picks up the movie and says, "Oh come on! You are not seriously trying to purchase a movie that you have to be 17 years old to buy. Nice try honey."

Gulp. Head spin. Smile, Jewels she is just messing with you. No, wait she is really serious and is putting the movie behind her in that basket, not my basket. What? She is putting my movie away. I shake my head trying to conjure up what to say and pull out my ID. Things like this have happened before, just smile and be polite, it's just her job. Wait, it's not just her job...didn't you hear how she said it to me?? RUDE.

"Do you seriously think that I am not 17 years old? Listen, I have an 18 month old son and I am married. I know I look young, but come on? Younger than 17 years old? I am 27 years old, that's a bit older than 17 don't you think? I cannot believe this! It's just a movie."

Lady that is NOT my friend, "well, I don't think you are old enough to purchase this movie and I need to see some ID. Besides, my daughter had her first child when she was hardly 15 years old. You telling me you have a baby means nothing."

OUCH.

"Well, THAT is another issue in itself. Here's my ID, ok?" (Couple behind me are shaking their heads. The woman says to the man, "seriously? 17? How embarrassing. What 17 year old has breasts that big.?" HELLO I can hear you by the way. This is just turing into a big scene now.

Anyhow, I change the subject with my cashier and ask about the Oprah magazine. She seems totally offended...asking me if I mean that Ellen from the show being on the same magazine as Oprah and if I am sure I have that right because THEY HAVE DIFFERENT MORALS. Then she says, "you mean the woman that is married to a woman?" OH, what the heck. Now, I really don't like you lady. "Yes, that's her...Ellen. I just would like to know if you have her magazine yet. It's going to be the biggest selling copy of Oprah's magazine to date." :)

I leave and hop into my car. Blast my GLEE soundtrack and sing along...because you know that is the mature thing to do. I call my hubby and tell him what happened. When I get to the part where I tell the lady how old I am, he says, "that's great babe, especially because you are not 27....you are 28."

So I hang up with him flip to "Deifying Gravity" and try to hit that "F key" because that is what any 28 year old going on 17 would do:)

Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUZwdbeS2mM

Shake it like a polaroid picture

I have no excuses for why I have so absent from my blog and yours. I am really going to work on it, I think....

My excuses this week are that I am now a working woman, the bread winner, the sugar mama...well not exactly--but I have a job....and it pays (slighty). AND I am on crutches...:( I have hundreds of pictures from the last couple months, but here are just a few.

Hey Shorty!

Hey opinionated world-

It's me Jewels. Listen, I am not short...I'm fun sized. Haven't you heard that saying that good things come in small packages? Apparently some of you missed that memo. Here's the thing...I went to a high school where many of the girls were petite. Then I went to college and this boy I really liked in high school decided I was pretty swell. All of sudden people were asking me, "Did you know you are pretty short?" NO WAY? REALLY? I hadn't noticed, I guess I haven't spent enough time in my body!

Back to the boy...

He kissed me and then told me, "Listen Jewels...you are one of the nicest people I have ever met, you are incredibly pretty, but you are way too short. My mom would never approve." Seriously. True story. I shut the door in his face. Anyhow, I saw his wife the other day. She was about 50 pounds overweight. This got me thinking...would you ever say to someone things like this:

"Wow, did you know you are kinda fat?"
"Do you know you seriously are NOT horizontally challenged?"
"Wow, you sure are fat!"

Nope. You wouldn't...so lay off people! I went to my friends school the other day and one of the fellow teachers smiles and says, "Wow, you would fit right in here, you are about the same height as my students." I almost B*&$%ed slapped her. I couldn't she was WAY too nice. It was not her fault...it was everyone else's fault before her...the CONSTANT conversation about my height. I used to ALWAYS wear heels everywhere...all the time even to bed (ok, scratch the last part). I don't wear them all the time now...and maybe I should again. People didn't talk much smack then...

Anyhow...I got to thinking a couple weeks ago while some members in our family were talking about attractive actresses. So...here is a list of people who are my height, my height in heels...or shorter than me.

Moira Quirk
Kylie Minogue
Christine Lathi
Tayrn Manning
Lil' Kim
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Reese Witherspoon
Candace Cameron Bure
Christina Aguilera
Rachel Leigh Cook
Emma Bunton
Geri Halliwell
Christina Ricci
Andrea Lewis
Brittany Murphy
Avril Lavigne
Judy Garland
Salma Hayek
Amy Adams
Kristen Bell
Kelly Picker
Jessica Simpson

And some pictures of others...

Oh and did I mention that Megan Fox is only 5'4"...I think I rest my case.

Quote/Saying of the day

"To Learn...

After awhile, you learn the subtle difference...
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
You learn that love doesn’t mean leaning...
Sooner or later, you have to let go.

You begin to understand that kisses are not contracts...
And presents are not promises.
Company does not mean security...
You shouldn’t always listen to what your heart says.

You begin to accept your defeats with your head held high...
And your eyes wide open with the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a sad child.
You learn not to cry at every weak moment.

You learn to build all of your roads on today...
Because tomorrow’s ground is much too uncertain for plans.
The future has a way of falling down in mid-flight.
You learn to discover bright new lands.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns...
If you get to much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your soul...
But most of all, learn to trust.

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers...
You learn that you really can endure.
That you really are strong...
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn again...
With every good-by...
you learn..."

Dexter!!!

Oh Dexter, you had me at the first drop of blood....

So how is Dexter the first serial killer on TV that we root for? How is that we call him a "nice" guy? Why, because he is a nice guy. A nice guy that takes care of people the legal system fails to. I am not sure why I like (ok...FLIPPING LOVE) this show. Maybe it is because I have seen the legal system fail miserably. However, I still do not wish for my own Dexter. "Dexter" is about a man with a duality. A crime fighter -a blood pattern analysts for the police department by day, and a serial killer by night. the twist is---we love the killer in him. Dexter is the new antihero. He picks up where the law falls short. The amazing thing about this character, is although he is so soft spoken and sensitive...for us women. Dexter appeals the the male population too, because he can kick some butt...

I act like a kid on Christmas eve when the opening song starts. I glance at the clock during the show, hoping to milk the minutes. My heart races. I cannot wait for the next show to start. Luckily, last night I happened to be watching Showtime (repeats of season 3) and they had an extra long preview for season 4. In case you don't think this behavior is normal, I just finished watching the entire season AGAIN. Seriously, is there some type of therapy for this obsession?

Anyone who has not seen this show, thinks we are all nuts. A show about a serial killer? A show that people love? People LOVE Dexter? If you have seen it, you understand. I am amazed with how many people have an utter obsession with this show.

Just like me.

Dexter is a Daddy...awww..baby Dexter.

This is kind of what happens in my mind when the opening music starts playing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhRwtW2iASo

I have some serious issues.

I think I'll start blogging more again.

Pictures

Hi.....

Well I have been really bad about blogging lately. When I don't update my blog, I at least read all the other blogs-I haven't. I have to admit, I have been completely MIA from the blogging world. SO...I hope that you are all doing well. I hope to get back soon...maybe. For now, here are some pictures of what we have been up to...

Look, no hands mom!

Me and my little man making faces

Like father, like son

Closing Ceremony of the Breast Cancer 3 day

My parents

Some little boy with a great sign

Family-My parents by marriage...I have the BEST in-laws!

What can I say? He is a boob man.

Making a silly face

Me and the other love of my life